WHAT IS EFT?
EFT is usually a short term (8-20 sessions), structured approach to couples therapy formulated in the 1980’s and has developed alongside the science on adult attachment and bonding to expand our understanding about what is happening in couple relationships and to guide therapists.
In the last fifteen years, Dr. Johnson and her colleagues have further developed and refined the model and completed numerous studies. EFT is also used with families and individuals. A substantial body of research outlining the effectiveness of EFT now exists. Research studies find that 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery and approximately 90% show significant improvements.
The major contraindication for EFT is on-going abuse in the relationship. EFT is being used with many different kinds of couples in private practice, university training centeRs and hospital clinics and many different cultural groups throughout the world. These distressed couples include partners suffering from disorders such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorders, and chronic illness.
NEED HELP WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
FIND AN EFT THERAPIST IN LA
Search our online database for EFT-trained couple therapists in your area.
ATTEND A HOLD ME TIGHT® WORKSHOP
- Learn about ICEEFT-approved Hold Me Tight® Workshops. Click here to view upcoming workshops .
- Attend a local Hold Me Tight® Workshop & Retreat from The EFT Resource Center in Pasadena, CA.
- Attend a local Hold Me Tight® Workshop & Retreat from Kids and Families Together in Ventura County. Contact Rachel Ashleman, 805-643-1446, extension # 103 for the latest information.
- Attend a special “Hold Me Tight®/Let Me Go (HMT/LMG)” workshop for families with teens in Pasadena, CA. (Provided by Drs. Nancy & Paul Aikin on January 20-21, 2018 in Pasadena, CA.)
RECOMMENDED READING FOR COUPLES
- Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson. Click here to buy the book now on Amazon.
- Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships by Dr. Sue Johnson. Click here to buy the book now on Amazon.
- An Emotionally Focused Workbook for Couples: The Two of Us by Veronica Kallos-Lilly, PhD, and Jennifer Fitzgerald, PhD. Click here to buy the book now on Amazon.
- Emotionally Focuses Couples Therapy for Dummies by Brent Bradley, PhD, and James Furrow, PhD. Click here to buy the book on Amazon.
LEARN ABOUT THE NEGATIVE CYCLE
Couples get caught in “negative cycles” or patterns of interactions. A negative cycle is a repetitive pattern of behaviors, thoughts, and feelings that cause distress. You react to your partner’s reactions and your partner reacts to your reactions and around and around it goes. Understanding and untangling your negative cycle is the first step in climbing out of distress. The exercise below will help you with this process.
When my partner and I are not getting along:
I often react by (describe behaviors)……
My partner often reacts to me by (describe behaviors)……
When my partner reacts this way, I often feel……
When I feel this way, I see myself as……
When I feel this way, I long for or need……
When I react the way I do, I guess that my partner feels……
Describe your negative cycle (include how you and your partner trigger the other’s feelings, thoughts, and behaviors)…..
Attachment Style Questionnaire
Read the four types of attachment styles below. Find the one that best describes you, and then ask your partner to do the same.
- Secure: “It is easy for me to become emotionally close to others. I am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me. I don’t worry about being alone or having others not accept me.”
- Anxious: “I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I am uncomfortable being without close relationships, but I sometimes worry that others don’t value me as much as I value them.”
- Avoidant: “I am comfortable without close relationships. It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me.”
- Disorganized: “I am uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others.”
This attachment style questionnaire is adapted from K. Bartholomew, and L. Horowitz, “Attachment Styles Among Young Adults: A Test of a Four Category Model.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 61 (1991): 226-44